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I Sh!t Myself on a City Bus: A Story of a Alcoholic in Addiction Recovery

A Real Sh!tty Story About Me

Most people won't share this type of information. Hell, most people haven't necessarily put themselves into a situation like this that could ever happen to them. Here it is, "I shit myself on a city bus." For those of you who may be familiar with public transportation, you might understand there can be some real characters who enjoy the low price point of sharing a ride with many other individuals. Most days it's convenient. This day I'm going to explain, it wasn't. However, it's totally my fault. You see at this point of my addiction recovery I wasn't gaining much traction but I had a job and a room that I rented. This is a blessing I could hold either one down at that point in my life as my alcohol intake was about a liter of vodka per day.

Most people would agree this is a metric unit measure of a "shit ton." I would pray nobody knows what happens to your biological systems when you consume this much alcohol regularly. But I'm sure there are a few people out there that are familiar. Let's face it, it's not an ideal situation.

I was working in a bar downtown at the time. Believe me, I understand this is what you would call a trigger-rich environment. I had a key to the liquor room and the management team was starting to become aware there might be an issue. Even now as I'm typing these words I'm feeling the shame and guilt come over me. EWWW!

Could Your Life Be Better Without Alcohol

  • No I have control and people agree

  • Maybe I could cut back

  • I'm sure my life would be a little better if I quit

  • Yes I need help

It Started as a Good Sober Streak

I was feeling good and gained employment as a bartender at a hotel under a brand that I won't mention. The hotel was new. The staff was new. Every person got a fresh start. No real previous knowledge about where, or who, we were before.

This was my chance! I could start over and blow everyone away with my work ethic and knowledge about mixology. Few people would have all the experience I had from opening restaurants in Las Vegas. All the while I could feel the pull toward all the open alcohol and the opportunity to fall off the wagon.

It wasn't long before I started separating myself from the crowd. When I'm sober, I'm on point. This was apparent and I knew it would show quickly. People would say, "he's fantastic as long as he's not drinking." At this point in my new position, I wasn't. So, I was all good! My employer trusted me. Everyone trusted me. What do you do with people you trust? You give them a key to a liquor room with no cameras.

Poof! The sober streak is broken.

What Happens to Bodily Function With Enough Alcohol Consumption?

I came across this awesome article on Verywell Mind that breaks down the timeline of what happens when you stop drinking alcohol. Now, I know a lot of you out there enjoy a good drink now and then, but it's important to understand the effects of alcohol withdrawal and what you might experience if you decide to quit. So, let's dive in!

According to Verywell Mind, the effects of quitting alcohol can vary from person to person, but there are some general patterns to keep in mind. Here's a breakdown of what you can expect:

  1. The first 6 to 12 hours: As you stop drinking, you might start to experience withdrawal symptoms. These can include anxiety, irritability, insomnia, and even tremors. It's your body's way of reacting to the absence of alcohol.

  2. 12 to 24 hours: Things start to get a little more intense. Some people might experience hallucinations or seizures during this period. Now, I'm not trying to scare you, but it's crucial to be aware of these possibilities, especially if you've been a heavy drinker for a long time.

  3. 48 to 72 hours: This is when the withdrawal symptoms can peak. You might feel like you're caught in a storm of anxiety, confusion, and intense cravings. It's a tough phase, my friends, but remember, it's your body resetting itself and getting rid of all that alcohol.

  4. 1 week to 10 days: The worst of the withdrawal symptoms usually subside at this point. You might still experience mood swings and difficulty sleeping, but things are starting to look up. Hang in there!

  5. Weeks 2 to 4: Your body is slowly adjusting to life without alcohol. Your energy levels might start to increase, and you might notice improvements in your sleep quality. This is a critical time for building new habits and finding healthy ways to cope with stress.

  6. Months 1 to 6: Congratulations! You've made it past the initial hurdles. As time goes on, your liver starts to heal, and your overall health begins to improve. You might notice better concentration, weight loss, and an overall sense of well-being.

  7. Beyond 6 months: The long-term benefits of quitting alcohol continue to accumulate. Your risk of liver disease, certain cancers, and other alcohol-related health problems decreases. You're taking control of your life and reaping the rewards.

Now, this is a blueprint for what will happen once you decide to cease excessive consumption. My experience as a meat suit a barely functioning meat suit clocking in and out and riding the city bus was a special circumstance where I could walk, but could not control my bowel movements.

Sh!t Happens

I thought it was something else, but the evidence was in the movement of everyone around me. The smell had created the only gap in people within the bus. Up until this point, everyone was shoulder to shoulder. Now, people started to move away from me and fast. To the best of my knowledge, it was at this point in time I realized I had shit myself.

That's right. I was the guy on the bus that smelled like shit. I didn't just smell like it. I was sitting in it with my pants on. Years later, a friend would say to me, "Look at how far you have come! You can control yourself better than a baby!" I didn't have this ability that day. Honestly, I didn't for some time. But hey! Rome wasn't built in a day.

I made it to the bus stop and got off. I made my way home, went to unlock my room, and wouldn't you know it, I left my key back at work. Yup. I took my poo-filled pants back to the bus stop, got back on the bus, and went back to my place of employment covered in poo stew. Forgive my humor but this is how I cope sometimes.

I made it in and out of my work without being noticed. A miracle! Now, it was back on the bus and home safely. You might think I had dodged some shame in there, right? Wrong! My landlord calls me the next morning and asked me, "Did you get shit all over my house?" My addict tongue thought as quickly as possible with lightning cognitive ability guiding it. I said calmly, "That wasn't me."

Guess what? He didn't believe me. He explained in that conversation that I needed help. Thanks for the help, Captain Obvious!

Serious Addiction Recovery Help

Any person would say that this sounds like a pretty good rock bottom to start from. I wish that was the case for me. However, I had other plans and more digging to do. Nope, I didn't turn around there. I made sure to get to the bottom.

You might be feeling that you are there. Some people say you have to get there. To the official rock bottom of your life. What if that weren't true? What if you could turn around now? It doesn't have to be alcohol either. Maybe it's pornography addiction. Maybe it's food. Rock Bottom is relevant to each individual in the struggle. Only you know how bad things are. The other side of that coin is that you are the only one who can do anything about it. These are true statements. But so is this one. You don't have to be alone. Reach out


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